In recent years, "having a stable core" has often been mentioned as an excellent quality. For example, in the eyes of others, a person with a stable core may be like this: He may be very positive and optimistic, and will neither shrink back nor evade no matter what difficulties he encounters; He may have clear goals, know what he wants to do, and be able to make efforts for it; He may have a very firm will and is not easily swayed or disturbed by emotions; He may be full of initiative and always be passionate, taking immediate action whenever he wants to do something... I think these are qualities that many friends want to possess. So, what exactly is the concept of "having a stable core"? How can one become a person with a stable core? In today's article, I'd like to talk to you about this issue.

1. First, let's explore together: What kind of quality is having a stable core? Some people may understand having a stable core as "emotional stability", that is, being able to produce as few emotions as possible. No matter what happens, they can immediately "snuff out" emotions when they emerge, preventing them from growing. Then, they continue to talk, act, work, and live as if nothing had happened... But this is actually incorrect. Why? On the one hand, emotions are a normal physiological mechanism. Requiring a person to be "emotionless" like an AI is neither reasonable nor necessary, as it goes against human nature. On the other hand, "emotional stability" is originally a personality indicator. It is part of the Big Five personality traits, a characteristic that is naturally shaped and formed as you grow. In the Big Five personality model, emotional stability follows a normal distribution. That is to say, about half of the people in the world tend to one end, and the other half tend to the other end. In other words, in the whole world, half of the people are naturally more emotionally stable, and the other half are less so. Emotional stability is not an ability, and emotional instability is not a defect. Both are very normal phenomena. They are not advantages or disadvantages but rather "characteristics". Therefore, having a stable core is related to emotions to a certain extent, but it cannot be simply summarized as "emotional stability".
2. So, how should we understand "having a stable core"? I'd like to use an analogy to illustrate. Suppose you are walking on an endless road. You may be disturbed and influenced by many factors. What might these factors include? The temptation of other seemingly flatter side roads, the fear lurking in the darkness ahead, the confusion of not seeing the goal, or the fatigue after walking for a long time, the laziness of wanting to lie down and rest... You may stay in one place for a long time, wander around on other side roads, and doubt your future... But eventually, you will return to this road and continue walking. Because this is your life. There is no shortcut, and no one else can live it for you. The only difference lies in when you realize this. Having a stable core measures your ability to get rid of these distractions and return to this road to continue moving forward. The more stable your core is, the less likely you are to be disturbed by external or internal factors. Simply put, it refers to a person's control over life: what proportion of his life is under his own control and what proportion is influenced and manipulated by other factors. When facing temptation, hesitation, and fear, a person with an unstable core is likely to lose his persistence and hand over the control of his life to the outside world, allowing himself to be pushed around by it. In contrast, a person with a stable core will firmly hold the control in his own hands and take charge of his own life.
3. After reading the above analysis, you may find it a bit abstract and don't know where to start. So, I'd like to share four types of cognitions to help you better cultivate a stable core. Of course, building a stable core is not achieved overnight, and it is definitely not that simple. However, I hope these four types of cognitions can provide you with a direction, make your heart stronger, and help you establish a more complete "internal sense of control".
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1. Confidence: The choices I make carefully are correct. Many people think that confidence means having outstanding abilities, and since they are not that excellent yet, they "don't deserve" to be confident. But actually, it's not like this. What is true confidence? It is having a full understanding of your own abilities, a clear knowledge of the boundaries of what you can do, and based on this, having enough trust in your own choices, decisions, and actions. In other words, what is the typical manifestation of a truly confident person? It is to take every choice and decision in life seriously and then tell yourself: As long as I do it seriously, the result I get is what I "deserve" with my own abilities. Is it possible that there could be a better result? Of course, but that is beyond my ability and not something I can decide. Therefore, a person with a stable core will not be obsessed with things he hasn't got, nor will he overly beautify the paths he didn't choose. Because he adheres to this kind of cognition: What I have got is worthy of me; what I haven't got simply doesn't belong to me. I often see people asking questions like this: I've chosen a path, but how do I know it's the right one? Is it possible that the further I go on it, the more I deviate from the right direction? I want to say that this so - called "rightness" is judged retroactively from the result. It is affected by various factors and is not 100% under our control. As long as you make a careful judgment at the moment, then your decision is correct. This is the prerequisite for having a stable core and the key for a person to be firm in his heart, not wavering or retreating.
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2. Initiative: I can plan and deal with problems in advance. Our lives cannot always go smoothly. We will inevitably encounter some unexpected things. Some of these things are beneficial to us, but more may be full of uncertainties or pose threats. Therefore, if a person lacks initiative, he is likely to have this feeling: My life is determined and controlled by the outside world. In order to keep my life on track, I have to avoid all kinds of risks as much as possible. This will lead to the fact that he will always be exhausted in dealing with various problems in life. For him, these problems are unnecessary and meaningless. Their existence only disrupts his life trajectory and makes him spend energy to solve them. On the contrary, what kind of feelings and thoughts will a person with a high degree of initiative in life have? He will firmly believe that: I can control and decide my life. All external factors are just conditions; but my own thoughts, decisions, and actions are always controlled and made by myself. Then, he will face all kinds of external problems with a more positive attitude, regard them as challenges, and see the process of solving problems as an achievement, gaining growth and fun from this process. Therefore, a person with a stable core will clearly know what he wants and how to get closer to it. He doesn't passively wait for a task to fall from the sky and then do it. Instead, he actively prepares and plans for the future, increasing the probability of achieving the goal and reducing the probability of encountering unexpected situations. Many times, what determines whether you can overcome difficulties is not necessarily the difficulties themselves but your attitude towards them. You feel stressed and dare not move forward, so this uncertainty further intensifies, generating chronic stress. Then you feel more afraid and even less likely to move forward... On the contrary, if you take the initiative to plan ahead and take a step, you will find that it's not that difficult. Then you get feedback and a sense of achievement, which supports you to take the next step and further reduce uncertainty. Eventually, you solve the problem and reach a new destination. This is the behavior pattern of a person with a stable core. For him, life is not about facing one trouble after another but about achieving one success after another.

3. Sobriety: I can keep emotions within bounds. As mentioned before, having a stable core is neither equivalent to emotional stability nor means being emotionless. So, how should we understand the relationship between having a stable core and emotions? Simply put, it is having the ability to regulate emotions. You can have any emotions, be angry, sad, anxious, or afraid... These are all normal and natural, and there is no need to deliberately suppress or eliminate them. However, you also need to draw a boundary for them, keep them within the boundary, and prevent them from affecting the outside world. Once you find that they are about to "overflow" the boundary, you need to adjust your state to prevent them from affecting your decisions and actions. Therefore, a person with a stable core can have any emotions, but at the same time, he will also realize this: Just because you have a feeling doesn't mean it is real, and it definitely doesn't mean you have to act or deal with it according to it - you can completely decide what you want to do, and the decision - making power must be in your own hands. You can simply put it aside and tell yourself: I know, I'll put it on hold for now and deal with it when I'm free. Most of the time, you will find that these feelings are basically false. They emerge from nothingness and then disappear into nothingness, having no impact on you at all. It's like a gust of wind blowing across your heart and then dissipating without leaving a trace. Emotions are essentially a "self - reinforcing" cycle. The more you care about them and focus on them, the stronger they become, gradually getting out of your control and trying to snatch the control from you. But if you just feel their existence, shift your attention, and don't give them vitality, they will become rootless duckweeds and disappear after struggling for a while.

4. Stability: My life must have "minimal variability". When many people encounter problems, they are prone to fluctuations in their mindset or behavior. They easily change their living habits for the problem, cancel many other things, become emotionally unstable, have trouble eating and sleeping, and are obsessed with this thing, unable to extricate themselves... This is actually a manifestation of the lack of an internal sense of order: Your life is too unstable and too easily shaken by external waves. What will this lead to? Your brain will crave "stability" very much and strongly reject "accidents". Therefore, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing, whether it is serious or minor, once the slightest unexpected thing happens, it will cause a big reaction from you. A better way is to maintain a stable life. Do what you should do and be what you should be. Is there a problem? Great, put it into the list of things to deal with every day and allocate some time and energy to think about it. Apart from that, don't let it affect your daily life. A person with a stable core must have a set of stable lifestyles: including stable daily habits, stable hobbies and activities, a stable schedule, stable reading and information input, stable thinking, review, and reflection. Further, it also includes stable principles, ways of thinking, and values, etc. Take a simple example: You encounter a problem and need to wait for a period of time to see the result. So, during this time, does it help to be anxious, worried, or annoyed? No, it will only cause unnecessary trouble and won't help solve the problem at all. What should you do? Eat well, sleep well, rest well, study when you should, go out when you should, maintain your stable life, and try to reduce the changes in life caused by external stimuli. In this way, you can better soothe your brain and let it know that you can deal with accidents. Thus, your brain will raise its prediction of your ability to deal with risks. The more stable your internal order and daily life are, the stronger your ability to cope with shocks will be.

8. Of course, these four types of cognitions may also need to be gradually established and adapted to. In this process, you can also try the following small tips, which may help you get started more efficiently.

• Have positive self - dialogue. Many people are used to having negative self - dialogue. But in the long run, the brain is likely to take them seriously, thus lowering the evaluation and prediction model of self - ability and reducing our self - confidence and initiative. So, a simple and effective way is to turn negative dialogue into positive self - dialogue. For example: "I'm not good at this field, so I'd better avoid it and not touch it." → "I have another opportunity to gain experience." "This problem seems very troublesome. Is it beyond my ability?" → "Am I becoming more capable? Let me try this problem." "My words and deeds just now were really terrible. How could I perform so poorly?" → "I've made progress compared to before. Maybe I can do better next time."
• Build positive associations. When you take action to eliminate or alleviate a problem, try to experience and immerse yourself in the joy you feel at the moment, magnify this feeling, remember it, and review it often, making it a driving force. Record more of the things you do well and the things you do right, so that you can clearly know what your ability boundaries are and what you can do, strengthening your self - confidence and self - efficacy. You can also try to link the things you don't like to do with the things that make you happy, so that the latter can help you deal with the former. For example: Many people have to deal with some simple and cumbersome tasks in daily life. Then, you can try listening to a podcast while doing them (be careful not to make mistakes). In this way, the next time you face these tasks, your first reaction won't be "so annoying" but "I can finish listening to the last podcast".
• Cultivate multiple sources of value. If you put all the meaning and value of your life on the same thing, then once it has a problem or encounters a risk, it means that your entire life system will be impacted, and the loss will be huge. If possible, learn more skills, expand your fields, cultivate new hobbies, try some activities outside your main job, meet more people, and make some different friends... These can help prevent your life from being overly monotonous and falling into a narrow - minded situation. It should be noted that this is different from having a side job - you don't have to demand that you must make a profit from it, which is very difficult. However, you can use it as a spiritual support and psychological sustenance. When you feel frustrated, disappointed, and lost, you can clearly know that you are not nothing at all and that you still have these things to give you strength and support. This can provide you with continuous motivation and help you face difficulties with more courage.
• Establish rich social connections. You can try to take out a piece of paper and list the people who meet the following conditions respectively: When I'm troubled, who can be my listener? When I encounter difficulties, who can provide me with practical help? Who will firmly stand by my side, believe in, and support me? You'd better start from the people around you, get to know them, and maintain good relationships with them - face - to - face offline communication and relationships are always better than online ones. No one is an island. Always remember to open the door of your heart and keep the possibility of connecting with others. This will become a strong support for your heart.

9. To simply summarize today's content: The essence of having a stable core is to have sufficient control over life and avoid being manipulated and dominated by the outside world. To achieve this, you can start from four types of cognitions: 1) Confidence: As long as I take it seriously, any result is "worthwhile" and "correct"; 2) Initiative: If I take the initiative to take a step towards the problem, the problem will become less difficult; 3) Sobriety: I can have any emotions, but they can only stay within bounds and cannot affect my judgment, decisions, and actions; 4) Stability: My life must have "minimal variability" and should not be easily disturbed by small changes. At the same time, there are four small tips to help you cultivate these cognitions: 1) Have positive self - dialogue; 2) Build positive associations; 3) Cultivate multiple sources of value; 4) Establish rich social connections. I hope today's article can give you some inspiration and help.