"The departure of a loved one is not a sudden downpour, but a long - lasting dampness for the rest of one's life. I will be trapped in this dampness forever - it's the empty kitchen in the early morning, and the dark window when I return home late. It stirs up a storm in every seemingly calm day."

Prolonged grief disorder refers to a persistent grief reaction triggered by the death of a close person.

This reaction exceeds the normal expectations of grief within the cultural context and seriously impairs an individual's daily life, physical and mental health.

The "five stages of grief" theory in psychology tells us that these seemingly chaotic and disordered reactions are actually a process of the soul's self - repair.

Each stage is an attempt for us to reconcile with ourselves internally and move towards recovery.

I. What is Grief? - A Non - linear Narrative of the Five Stages

American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler - Ross (1969) pointed out in her book On Death and Dying that when people face major losses (such as death, separation, health crises), they usually go through five non - linear stages of grief.

Although not everyone will experience all the stages, and the order may vary, this model has a certain degree of universality.

First Stage: Denial

"When seeing the slightly wrinkled shirt on the hanger, the brain briefly deceives itself that 'he just went to buy groceries'. This self - protective buffer mechanism is precisely the soft defense wall built by the first stage of grief."

Denial is the brain's self - protective mechanism, like an anesthetic before surgery, giving us time to accept the pain.

Individuals often avoid reality by isolating emotions or engaging in busy behaviors, building a temporary "buffer zone" for the soul.

Second Stage: Anger

"When the cookies on the supermarket shelf prick the eyes again, suddenly throwing the shopping basket aside. This seemingly out - of - control rage is actually grief trying to break through the cocoon of denial and awaken the truth with pain."

Anger is the struggle of vitality on the verge of losing control. Individuals try to regain control of the situation through aggressive behaviors, such as smashing things, self - blaming, or rebelling against social rules.

Third Stage: Bargaining

"Staring at the ceiling late at night, thinking: 'If I stop listening to this song, can I pretend he never left?' This almost childlike fantasy of a deal is the stubbornness of the soul in searching for a sense of control in the ruins."

This stage is an interweaving of rationality and irrationality, reflecting humanity's ultimate pursuit of meaning. Sometimes we pin our hopes on superstition, miracles, or conduct some form of psychological "negotiation" with reality.

Fourth Stage: Depression

"During that time when the world fades into a black - and - white silent film, it's not weakness but an inevitable fall. Just like the tide will eventually ebb, this feeling of being submerged by grief is quietly making room for new life."

Depression is the flood - discharge period of emotional floods. Only by fully immersing in sadness can an individual gradually move towards letting go. In this stage, physical symptoms such as chest tightness and insomnia may also appear.

Fifth Stage: Acceptance

"One day, when you find that the smell of soap no longer makes your heart skip a beat, but turns into a slight astringency at the corner of your mouth, you finally understand: acceptance is not forgetting, but making memories gentle exhibits in the museum of life."

Acceptance is not forgetting, but integrating grief into life. It is a slowly turning energy, a new philosophy of life that grows after the collapse.

What allows us to keep breathing is not moving out of one stage and into the next, but understanding that these stages are never linear checkpoints.

Perhaps you will stay in the anger stage longer, or perhaps you will suddenly accept it one morning. These are all your own rhythms of crossing the river.

II. Emotional First - Aid Kit: A Guide to Self - Rescue

When swept by the flood of negative emotions, there are some methods that can make us feel a little better.

Dance with Sorrow: Give Emotions a Gentle Release

Unspoken emotions will never disappear. They will quietly "speak" in the form of physical symptoms (Pennebaker, 1997).

Try these methods to give emotions a space to be released:

Write a "Rambling" Diary for Them: Write down the words you never said, let the dancing flames carry the words into the sky, and release those unfinished goodbyes.

Shout into the Air: Roar out the emotions weighing on your heart, and let your congested chest feel clear again.

Watch a Tear - Jerker: Have a good cry, let the emotions find an outlet, and stop lingering in your heart.

Weave a Network of Connections: Let Warmth Melt the Frost

Psychological research has found that emotional expression (including talking) helps regulate the secretion of the stress hormone - cortisol (Dunn, et al., 2014).

Gentle physical contact (such as hugs during interactions) can trigger a sense of social satisfaction and relieve negative emotions (Liu et al., 2025).

Therefore, try to weave a network of connections:

Have a "Memory Gathering": Chat with relatives and friends about the interesting things of the deceased, such as the time when dad mistook salt for sugar when cooking.

Join a "Fellow Travelers" Group: Participate in offline or online grief support groups, and listen to and encourage each other with people who have similar experiences.

Restart the Life Clock: Start with Small Rituals

Existential - oriented psychology inspires us that reconstruction does not mean denying the past, but creating new life traces (Yalom, 1980).

When life is put on pause, try these restart codes:

Daily To - Do List: Even if it's just drinking a glass of water or soaking in the sun for 5 minutes, tick off an item once it's completed, and inject a sense of order back into life.

Move to Drive Away the Blues: Go for a walk, tidy up the room, and let your body lead your emotions forward.

Get a Pet: Taking care of another life will gradually awaken the inner feeling of "being needed".

Forge the Key of Meaning: Melt Sorrow into Light

Philosopher Victor Emil Frankl once said: "If pain is inevitable, let it be the carrier of the meaning of life." Sorrow is not the end; sometimes it is the entrance for us to reach a deeper level of life:

Continue the Loved One's Hobbies: For example, take care of the greenery on the balcony for your mother who loved growing flowers, and take a photo of the blooming flowers and "send it to her".

Do Volunteer Work to Spread Warmth: Participate in volunteer services such as hospice care and grief support, and transform sorrow into the power to help others.

III. Call for Help When You Can't Hold On: Don't Ignore These Signals

Sometimes, self - regulation alone may not be enough. When the following situations occur, you can contact a professional psychological counselor or doctor for help:

"I can't hold on anymore": Severe insomnia, loss of appetite, refusal to socialize for more than two consecutive weeks, and difficulty in maintaining daily life.

"Life has no meaning": Frequent thoughts of self - harm or suicide, even if it's just a passing thought, should be taken seriously.

"Memory blackout": Completely forgetting the relevant experiences before the death of a loved one may be a sign of post - traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Conclusion

The conclusion of the book On Death and Dying reads: "The goal is not to 'get over' the loss but to learn to live with it. To learn to carry the grief like a child in your arms, with tenderness and patience."

(The goal is not to get over the loss, but to learn to coexist with it. Carry grief gently and patiently, just like holding a baby in your arms.)

This theoretical dialogue that started half a century ago still reminds us today: grief is not a disease, but the most affectionate tribute of life to love.

Please remember, the shore is always there. Even if the waves are raging at the moment, they will eventually push us forward.