Article Summary

The concepts of marriage and childbearing have been distorted by economic and social factors and need to be restored to their essence.

• 💔 Economic pressures are influencing people's concepts of love, marriage, and family.
• 💍 Marriage is a contract and does not need to be over - sanctified.
• 👶 Having children is a personal choice, not a social responsibility.

Let's start by exploring basic human nature.

1. The First Concept: Three Fundamental Human Needs The most fundamental human needs are food and clothing, sex, and emotions. Marriage is not a fundamental need, and childbearing is just a by - product of sex. To understand marriage and childbearing, we need to start from these basic needs.

Food and clothing are the foundation for survival. As human society develops, the standards for survival are constantly rising. Moreover, the innate sense of security in human nature drives people to seek more possession and reserves, which is also one of the driving forces for the economic and social development.

Sex is a fundamental need. Whether it is driven by the pursuit of pleasure at the conscious level or the instinct for reproduction at the subconscious level, there are different theoretical explanations. Since it is a fundamental need, everyone has this demand. In modern society, moral and ethical norms require mutual consent, which means love. The problem is that the proportion of people whose levels of willingness match exactly is extremely small compared to the overall demand. Therefore, we have to admit that for the vast majority of people, sexual relationships involve the transfer of other rights and interests based on unequal levels of willingness. This is an economic term, and in simpler terms, it's a transaction.

Transactions are not just about money. They also include emotional investment, the provision of emotional value, social resources, and opportunities. So, onlookers shouldn't quickly claim the moral high - ground. The differences between many things lie only in the content of the transaction, the amount involved, and whether it's a large - scale or small - scale transaction.

Emotions are also a fundamental need. Besides the love between men and women, it also includes the sense of security from family bonds, the comfort from friendships, and the encouragement from one's ideals.

Therefore, love is an inevitable outcome based on these basic needs, which combines economic factors, sex, and emotions. Marriage, on the other hand, is the result of the expansion of the relationship between two lovers into the family and social spheres. The essence of marriage is a contract.

A contract is designed to restrict the rights and obligations of both parties, aiming to create a stable structure. A stable family and social structure, as well as a standardized property and inheritance system, are the foundations for the stable operation of society. Therefore, marriage is neither proof nor a guarantee of love. It is just a way for two people who wish to maintain their relationship for a long time and integrate the resulting consequences into the social system, such as property distribution after living together and the social status of their children.

2. The Second Concept: Love and Marriage as Different Levels of an "Funnel" Love is the first layer of a large screening process, and marriage is the second layer that some love relationships can reach. If we don't want the number of marriages to decline, the fundamental approach is to expand the first layer of the "funnel", that is, to encourage more people to be involved in romantic relationships. Don't set so many pre - conditions for love, and you don't have to aim for marriage when falling in love. Falling in love with the sole purpose of getting married is actually an irresponsible attitude!

Love is like shopping in a store or placing a trial order on an e - commerce platform. If you claim that people who don't buy a membership are not serious, the store will surely go out of business.

One of the main reasons why young people are afraid of marriage today is the high cost and pressure of love. This is the result of the pre - imposition of the restrictive nature of the marriage contract on the love stage. Love is wonderful. If you are attracted to each other, just start a relationship. As long as you are sincere, it's okay to try multiple times. Isn't this what good salespeople always say?

3. The Third Concept: Don't Over - Sanctify Marriage Society generally over - sanctifies marriage through moral standards. While this may have a certain effect on keeping people within marriage, it has a negative impact on those outside of marriage or those who want to leave.

Who wants to burden themselves with excessive moral pressure? Most people are selfish, greedy, and not highly self - disciplined. If the standards for marriage are set too high, many people will think they can't meet them and give up. The thing is, marriage is just a contract, which is an expression of your willingness to take responsibility. If you fail to fulfill your responsibilities, it's not an unforgivable sin. Every contract has terms for breach of contract; just follow those.

It's the thinking of primary - school students to constantly glorify heroes and saints, thinking that everyone wants to be like them. The reality is that most people think they can't achieve such a high standard and then simply give up, while many hypocritical people start to pretend in order to gain benefits. As long as we encourage people to be normal and do reasonable things, more and more people will continuously improve their abilities and spiritual levels, and eventually achieve excellence.

Is the sanctification of marriage and the stigmatization of divorce really beneficial for a good marriage? When people realize that the sense of responsibility is not as overwhelming as they thought, more people will be willing to take on that responsibility. When more people take the initiative, there will also be more successful marriages.

4. The Fourth Concept: Marriage as a Tool for Hidden Purposes Once something that is originally a natural result is defined as an end goal, it will inevitably become a tool for other hidden purposes. Yes, I'm talking about marriage.

Based on basic human needs, we need to improve our thinking and capabilities to acquire better food and clothing; we need to maintain our health and physical fitness to fulfill our sexual needs; we need to enhance our emotional intelligence, empathy, and communication skills to have emotional exchanges and experience love. This is the right path for individuals to develop and meet their own needs.

However, just like the term "fundamental need" can arouse the interest of every investor, fundamental needs can be easily used to solve other fundamental needs! But the easier ways are often on the wrong path.

Exchanging sex for material goods is quick; exchanging false emotions for material things can be quite lucrative; buying sex with material goods is also very easy. If one is not so sensitive inside, one can also buy worship, respect, understanding and love with material things. And it is not uncommon to deceive others into having sex by feigning love or to maintain a relationship with one's body.

The problem is that all of these methods do not last very long, so the marriage contract has become the best tool. When people believe that marriage is the goal and feel that life should achieve this goal, this matter becomes a tool for those who want to exchange marriage for material things, sex, or emotions. Once it is discovered that this goal is not the endpoint and the cost is high, this sense of disillusionment is the greatest threat to marriage.

5.  The fifth concept: Life is an experience, not aimed at a result.

There is only one result in life, which is death. All the things that have been obtained are not results, and all happiness is an instant in the experience.

Therefore, our life is a continuous journey of self-cultivation, constantly obtaining material things, sex and emotions, and also constantly losing them.

Those who fear loss might as well stay put and wait for death; only those who keep moving can truly enjoy life.

Just try it, even if you don’t make money; fall in love, regardless of whether it’s beautiful or long-lasting, just be sincere; if it’s a good and long-lasting love, then get married, without worrying about whether you’ll be together until old age. No one, except in cases of breach of contract, has the right to put more pressure on you.

Some people say, I understand what you said. I have suffered, and may continue to suffer. I understand the meaning of the process, and I will improve myself well and go in love well. But I don’t want my descendants to experience my hardships again. By the way, there is also an undertone: maybe if I have descendants, I will suffer more.

Well, let's talk about childbearing again. Childbearing is a natural consequence of sex, but with the development of contraceptive methods in science and technology, it no longer has to be; childbearing is also a natural consequence of love, but with the continuous standardization of the social management system, it is no longer necessarily so; thus, childbearing is now defined as a natural consequence of marriage.

Although there are phenomena such as single-parent parents, artificial insemination, and children born out of wedlock, they are still low-probability events after all, and each has its own pressure to bear. This is also a social definition, and the purpose of the definition is also to regulate social attributes such as property, inheritance, citizenship, and rights and obligations.

However, as every independent human being, I think that one should have one's own independent definition of childbearing.

6.  The sixth concept: A child is a gift in life, a worthy experience, and an optional process for a fulfilling life.

It must be emphasized that it is optional. I didn’t say it was a must for a fulfilling life. A child is not a must in life, nor is it an individual's responsibility to society. But a child can indeed teach us a lot of things, making us more mature and multi-dimensional in understanding and experiencing this world. This is our independent definition of childbearing as individuals.

Then some people will say, I agree with this point, but I can't afford to give to a child materially and emotionally. Maybe I should just forget it.

Someone has calculated that it takes millions to raise a child to grow up in a big city. I can’t remember the specific number, but I roughly remember the standard. It is almost aimed at at least famous universities. And this is another erosion of the private life area by the economy and society.

7.  The seventh concept: Parents only have the obligation to raise their children to be healthy adults, no responsibility to provide a better life, and no right to plan and require their growth paths.

The health mentioned here includes physical health and mental health, having a correct understanding of the world and life, respecting oneself and loving oneself, and also knowing how to respect others and love others, having learning methods and survival abilities.

This learning is not marked by famous schools, but by growing every day and in every matter; this survival is not marked by high salaries, having cars and houses, but by being self-sufficient, being able to travel around the world and see the world.

 Such a child can already be very happy and bring much joy to their parents. If the parents are not happy, it is not the child’s fault but a reflection of the parents’ own uncontrolled desires and illusions.

If you agree, then you will find that there is not much material difficulty in raising a child like this. The real challenge lies in changing one’s own concepts that have been distorted by external influences.