Behind the "love-obsessed mentality" may lie "anxious attachment." 

 

In recent years, as feminist thought has progressively evolved, a new cultural trend has emerged online: disdain for the blind glorification of sexual relationships and contempt for those deemed "love-obsessed." 

 

The term "love-obsessed mentality" (literally "romance-brain") refers to an excessive pursuit of love—sacrificing one’s future, identity, and rationality for romantic relationships, often with a tinge of recklessness and delusion. 

 

This article explores the psychological mechanisms behind the "love-obsessed mentality." 

 

Why do "love-obsessed" individuals blindly chase romance?

 

Why Do "Love-Obsessed" Individuals Blindly Chase Romance? 

 

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 1. What is a "Love-Obsessed Mentality"? 

The commonly mentioned "love-obsessed mentality" (or "romance-brain") refers to a mindset that prioritizes love above all else. People labeled as "love-obsessed" are those who pour all their energy and focus into romantic relationships and their partners once they fall in love. 

 

As the 19th-century French author Stendhal described in On Love, reflecting on his own infatuation: "Every time I reached out my arms to Leonore, I felt like I was about to fall, and I had to remind myself how to walk." 

 

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 2. "Anxious Attachment" Is a Common Pattern Among the Love-Obsessed 

For individuals with anxious attachment, their feelings toward their partners are not rooted in love or trust but in an "emotional hunger." They seek someone to "save" them or make them feel "complete," manifesting in behaviors such as: 

- An intense craving for intimacy and companionship, demanding constant communication and updates on their partner’s whereabouts; 

- Sacrificing personal needs to appease their partner and maintain the relationship; 

- Fear of abandonment, feeling uneasy when alone, and interpreting even minor neglect as rejection. 

 

The more deeply invested the love-obsessed become, the more they oscillate between clinginess and insecurity. They crave closeness but are plagued by suspicion, often testing their partner’s loyalty. They resort to self-sacrificial gestures and cling to their partner as a lifeline, terrified of being left alone. 

 

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Neuroscientists Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki compared the brains of people immersed in passionate love to those of individuals high on cocaine or opioids. They discovered striking similarities in the activation of reward pathways. 

 

This explains why passionate love is often irrational—defying logic, resisting control, and persisting even when it’s harmful.

 

The Four Main Characteristics of a "Love-Struck Mindset"

Professor Tennov conducted a study at the University of Bridgeport in Connecticut, using 400 couples as samples. He inquired about their attitudes toward love and analyzed their diaries.

In the end, he identified individuals who loved in an extreme way and coined a term for this intense form of romantic obsession: Limerence (a state of deep infatuation and obsessive courtship, which aligns with what we commonly refer to as a "love-struck mindset").

These individuals exhibit the following main characteristics:

1. Assigning Extraordinary Significance to Their Partner

A student, Chaucer, wrote in his diary: "Because of Mary’s presence, my entire world has been turned upside down."

The romantic partner may have been a familiar acquaintance or a complete stranger. However, once love takes hold, the individual is no longer seen as their ordinary self but is instead placed on a pedestal by their admirer.

But are they aware that their partner isn't as perfect as they imagine?

In reality, these students can list their lover’s flaws, yet they consciously choose to ignore them, striving to create an idealized version of their partner in their minds.

For those who love to the extreme, love becomes an art project that requires constant care, like a meticulously crafted romance novel where they control every detail.

As Chaucer said: "Love is blind." And so, he preferred to overlook his lover’s flaws and instead cherish the perfect version he had envisioned in his heart.

 

 

 2. Intrusive Thinking 

When trapped in intrusive thinking, love-obsessed individuals feel as though their partner is constantly occupying their mind. 

 

While reading, they wonder if their partner would like the book. While sleeping, they worry if their partner is restless. The moment they wake up, they question if their partner is awake too... 

 

Everyone needs personal time and space, but the love-obsessed crave constant togetherness, clinging to their partner like conjoined twins. 

 

Studies show they spend 85–100% of their time fixating on their partner, severely disrupting daily life. They struggle to focus on work or studies, as their attention is perpetually hijacked. 

 

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 3. Fear of Loss 

Love-obsessed individuals exhibit extreme anxiety in relationships—yearning for acceptance yet fearing rejection. Subjects report physical symptoms like dry mouths, blushing, stuttering, and even losing basic skills (e.g., walking normally) around their crush. 

 

When rivals appear, they display intense jealousy, mimicking animal-like "mate-guarding" behaviors. These emotions trigger heightened physiological arousal, such as rapid heartbeats or sweating. 

 

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 4. Frustration-Attraction Phenomenon 

In those who love too intensely, a "frustration-attraction" dynamic emerges—where love feels like a solo performance of passion. 

 

The "frustration-attraction effect" describes how obstacles or rejections paradoxically deepen the lover’s obsession. The more the relationship is challenged, the more dependent and emotionally entangled they become, spiraling into a state of "I can’t quit you." 

 

These lovestruck individuals hyper-fixate on tiny relationship details, replaying them in elaborate mental dramas. Each internal monologue only fuels their obsession further. 

 

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In 1996, anthropologist Helen Fisher used fMRI to scan the brains of long-term couples (averaging 7 years together) as they viewed photos of their partners versus strangers. 

 

The results revealed activation in the ventral tegmental area (VTA), a brain region governing reward systems. Notably, the VTA neighbors neural zones linked to basic survival needs (e.g., hunger, thirst). This suggests that, for some, love may be perceived as a fundamental need—a primal reward akin to food or safety.

 

The Risks of a "Love-Struck Mindset" and How to Overcome It

Placing too much of your life’s happiness in a romantic relationship is risky. As the saying goes, "It's not the lack of love that’s scary, but trusting the wrong person."

The show Talking to Strangers once covered a topic on PUA (Pick-Up Artists) and pointed out that those most vulnerable to emotional manipulation are often girls with a "love-struck mindset."

These individuals tend to lack a sense of security and are eager for love and validation. They adopt a submissive posture in relationships, habitually pleasing others. As a result, they are not only more likely to fall victim to professional manipulators but also face a higher risk of encountering toxic partners and becoming trapped in unhealthy relationships.

That’s why, when it comes to love, it's crucial to ask yourself: Is this true love or deliberate manipulation?

Before you see things clearly, don’t rush into the trap.

Does a "Love-Struck" Kind of Love Truly Prove Affection?

For someone with a "love-struck mindset," their partner becomes their everything—sometimes even more important than their own life. However, while they are willing to sacrifice everything for love, there is one thing they fail to do:

✅ Consider their partner’s feelings
✅ Respect their partner’s boundaries
✅ Trust their partner’s judgment

In other words, a "love-struck" type of love may not actually be about love—it’s about fulfilling one's own emotional needs. Ironically, these behaviors neither bring happiness to their partner nor lead to long-term, stable happiness for themselves.

How to Help a Friend with a "Love-Struck Mindset"

1. Help Them Recognize Their Own State

People with a "love-struck mindset" often have deeper emotional needs—perhaps they fear failure, crave a relationship too desperately, or project their unfulfilled desires onto their partner.

Identifying the root cause of their emotional dependence is a crucial first step toward change.

2. Help Them Reconnect with Reality

They need to listen to different perspectives to gain a clearer understanding of their actual situation. Only by becoming aware of their circumstances can they reclaim their ability to prioritize and love themselves.

If they struggle to break free from their "love-struck" mentality, seeking professional psychological support might be necessary.

Love Requires Rationality

When it comes to love, we often need to keep a clear mind.

 

Love moderately.

 

 

 

 

Long love do so.

 

 

 

 

Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.