Philip A. Stutz is a world-class psychiatrist who established his private practice in New York in the 1980s.

Throughout his career, Stutz achieved remarkable success in the field of psychiatry, working with Hollywood’s top writers, actors, producers, lawyers, CEOs, and other high-profile clients.

However, in the early days of his practice, he often felt confused and frustrated.

Traditional psychiatrists had taught him:

"Don't interfere with the patient's process. When they’re ready, they’ll find the answers themselves."

The result? Stutz watched as desperate patients walked into his office, spent 50 minutes in therapy, and then walked out just as hopeless as they had arrived.

He wanted to change that. At the very least, he wanted his patients to experience some kind of shift during their short sessions—something that would give them the motivation to move forward.

So, over the course of decades, he refined a set of practical tools—techniques designed to create immediate, real-time change.

Today, we’ll focus on one of his nine core tools: “The Shadow.”

The Self That’s Never "Good Enough"

 

 

Is There Something That Has Always Haunted You?

Does a certain insecurity or struggle keep resurfacing in your life—again and again, never truly going away?

Maybe a childhood of financial hardship left you desperate to earn money as an adult, constantly seeking validation as a "respectable, wealthy person."

Maybe it's a stutter that worsens in moments of pressure—the more you want to speak smoothly, the more your words betray you.

Maybe it's weight issues, acne, or something else entirely.

For Jonah Hill, it was his weight.

He despised the version of himself who, at 13, was overweight and covered in acne.

And no matter how hard he tried, his weight issue was like an endless game of whack-a-mole—always creeping back the moment he let his guard down. It tormented him.

So, he ran. He ran relentlessly. By 22, he was starring in movies. By 28, he was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.

He believed that fame and success would act as walls—a fortress to shield his most vulnerable parts from public scrutiny forever.

But instead, fame turned him into an easy target for the media.

"Look at this kid who was so fat and ugly growing up—what an inspiring transformation!"

"Oh, he’s gaining weight again!"

"Oh, now he’s losing it again!"

Hill found himself trapped in this narrative, with no control over his own story. Was it a good thing or a bad thing? He didn’t know. His emotions swung wildly with public perception, leaving him feeling miserable.

"I experienced depression like never before."

The “Shadow” We Despise

Dr. Philip Stutz calls this part of us "the shadow"—the side of ourselves we desperately want to hide from the world.

By the time Jonah Hill met Dr. Stutz, he had already achieved extraordinary success. He had sculpted his body into peak physical condition. That overweight, acne-ridden 13-year-old version of himself should have disappeared forever… or so he thought.

 

 

But every time Hill looked into the mirror of his mind, he saw that the child was still there.

Dr. Stutz told him, "You are denying yourself."

Hill was indeed in denial. By constantly rejecting the existence of his 13-year-old self, he was, paradoxically, reaffirming its presence.

Every time he tried to push that part of himself away, it would surface again, and he would think, “I am still that 13-year-old kid.” No matter how successful or attractive he had become, deep inside, he still believed:

"I am still that unlovable person."

The Universal Shame of the Shadow

Dr. Stutz explained:

"Everyone has a shadow."

"Each person’s shadow may look different, but it evokes the same emotion in all of us: shame.”

Clinical psychologist Gershen Kaufman describes shame as a disease of the soul, one that isolates us—not only from ourselves but from others as well.

The shadow is incredibly persistent and full of life.

It compels us to hide it at all costs—for example, an overweight person might destroy all their old photos, erasing any trace of their past self.

At the same time, it can also serve as a source of relentless motivation—pushing someone to lose weight, sometimes through extreme or unhealthy means.

The Paradox: The More You Fight It, the Stronger It Becomes

However, any motivation driven by the shadow only strengthens its grip on us. The harder we try to eliminate it, the more power it gains.

Instead of erasing it, we must embrace it—but not in a way that seeks to destroy it. Attempting to do so will only cause our lives to spiral in the opposite direction.

The Shadow’s Most Painful Effect: Isolation

Our shadow is most painful in social interactions, where it fuels our deepest sense of shame. It acts like a knife cutting our power supply, robbing us of joy in our relationships.

Hill recalled how, whenever his mother, doctors, or nutritionists mentioned his weight, all he could hear was:

"I don’t belong."
"I am bad."
"I am unworthy of love."

The Shadow Never Fades With Time

The terrifying truth? The shadow never disappears.

As Dr. Stutz put it:

"You might temporarily defeat it, but it will always resurface."

Be Proud of Your Shadow

Most people assume the solution is acceptance.

But according to Dr. Stutz, that’s not enough—we must go a step further.

We must take pride in our shadow.

This might seem impossible.

And it is extremely difficult—because, as Dr. Stutz reminds us:

"You might temporarily defeat it, but it will always resurface."

But here’s the key:

If we can pull ourselves out of its grip even one second sooner, then that’s one extra second of life free from the shadow’s control—one extra second truly lived.

 

 

Now, you can follow Dr. Stutz’s method step by step and try embracing your shadow with pride.

Step 1: Recall a Shameful Moment

Think of a moment in your life when you felt ashamed, unworthy, or rejected—a moment that made you wish that part of yourself didn’t exist.

But the truth is, it does exist, and you can’t escape it.

Now, ask yourself: How do you see this moment?

Step 2: Talk to Your Shadow

Try to engage with this part of yourself in a dialogue.

When Hill attempted to speak with his 13-year-old self, he said:

"You’re angry, hurt, and sad because I’ve been trying to erase you. But you are a part of me."

"You don’t need the world’s attention. You don’t need an Oscar."

"You just need my attention."

Step 3: Ask Your Shadow What It Needs

Now, ask your shadow:
"What can I do to make up for all the times I ignored you?"

Hill’s shadow responded:

"I want to be part of your life. Celebrate me. Be proud of me."

This method works in any situation where you feel the need to suppress your shadow or chase an unattainable version of "perfection."

It allows you to embrace everything you once thought you weren’t capable of doing or being.

Step 4: Find Wholeness Within Yourself

Only when we accept ourselves as we are do the voices of the outside world lose their power over us.

Dr. Stutz believes that integrating our shadow brings us a sense of wholeness—the realization that:

"I no longer need anything else. I am already complete."

And this is true freedom.

Step 5: A Meditation to Merge With Your Shadow

Try this practice:

1. Imagine yourself in a universe filled with love.
• Go in without judgment, simply with curiosity.
2. Absorb all the love around you.
• Hold this warmth and strength in your heart.
3. Become the leader of love.
• At this moment, you are in control of the love you give.
4. Send unconditional love to your shadow.
• Look at your shadow and pour all your love into it.
• Feel your love not only reaching it but also merging with it.
5. Experience unity.
• When you realize you can fully merge with your shadow,
  you’ll also realize you can merge with anything in the world.

Releasing Shame and Reclaiming Power

This meditation helps release shame, hatred, and all forms of self-rejection.

It is not about forgiving others—it is about making ourselves whole again.

By integrating our shadow, we free ourselves from its grip.

Keep Moving Forward—Life Must Move Forward

Final Thoughts

I once relentlessly pursued freedom.

At first, I thought freedom meant becoming rich.
Later, I thought it meant becoming emotionally invincible.

But after learning about Dr. Stutz’s healing approach, I suddenly realized:

True freedom is acknowledging our shadow, accepting it, and no longer struggling against it.

Instead of being controlled by our shadow, we gain the power to choose our path.

When we are enslaved by our shadow, we spend our entire lives building our existence around it.

And that means—we will never escape.