Every Sunday evening, I find myself unable to stop worrying:

• Should I revise the proposal for my boss again?
• I got scolded last week for a typo in my PPT; I better triple-check it this time.
• What trouble might the leadership give me in tomorrow’s meeting?

Many people experience the same thing—excessive worry about events that haven’t even happened yet.

But why do we feel this way, and how can we change it?

What Are You Anxious About?

Like me, my friend Xiao P tends to worry about everything before taking any action.

• During graduation, he lost sleep over concerns about not finding a job.
• Before social gatherings, he’d regret agreeing to attend, fearing he wouldn’t perform well.

In psychology, this is called anticipatory anxiety, referring to the fear of an unpredictable future.

Even though the event hasn’t happened yet, we preemptively imagine difficulties and fret over outcomes that might never occur.

To resolve this issue, we first need to understand why we feel anxious.

Experts categorize anxiety into three types: objective anxiety, neurotic anxiety, and moral anxiety.

 

1. Objective Anxiety

This occurs when an individual faces real-world dangers.

Most work-related anxiety falls into this category.

For example:

• Heavy workloads
• Tight deadlines
• High expectations from supervisors

These tangible pressures can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety.

 

2. Neurotic Anxiety

This is the fear of being punished for expressing instinctual desires.

Take Xiao P as an example:

He dreaded performing poorly at a gathering but had already promised his friends to attend. If he followed his instincts and canceled, he feared being disliked or jeopardizing the friendship.

 

3. Moral Anxiety

This arises when an individual engages in or considers actions that conflict with their moral values.

A longtime friend once shared his story with me:

At work, he developed a strong attraction to a highly appealing colleague. However, his marriage and moral beliefs forbade him from acting on these feelings.

The result?

Severe anxiety, as if a thousand needles were pricking him, warning of the potential consequences of such thoughts.

Ultimately, this inner conflict forced him to take action to control his emotions and behavior, aligning himself with his moral principles.

 

Understanding the root of your anxiety is the first step to managing it. Once we identify its type, we can address the underlying causes more effectively.

Two Types of People More Prone to Anticipatory Anxiety

Psychologist Freeston and colleagues suggest:

The greater the uncertainty, the higher the level of anxiety.

The pursuit of certainty is an inherent human instinct because it represents safety.

An article in the Journal of Behavior and Experimental Psychiatry highlights:

• The fear of losing control is a core driver of many psychological disorders.
• This fear can often be more destructive than the actual event of losing control.

Certain individuals, especially those prone to catastrophic thinking, are particularly fearful of losing control.

• They behave like startled birds, overly vigilant to their surroundings.
• To others, they may even seem "overly nervous," spreading tension and pessimism to those around them.

1. Catastrophic Thinkers

These individuals often grow up hearing messages like:

• “The world is a dangerous place; you must always be cautious, or disaster will strike.”

This belief, “The world is unsafe, and I am unprotected,” becomes deeply ingrained. As adults, they are prone to excessive worry and anxiety.

 

2. Perfectionists

Perfectionists are also more likely to experience anticipatory anxiety.

• They fear that imperfection will expose their flaws.
• They dread failure and criticism.
• They worry that not being "good enough" will lead to rejection by those they love.

Perfectionists often struggle with self-acceptance and rely on external validation to compensate for low self-esteem.

Their childhoods are often marked by strict parenting, with expectations of flawless performance. Mistakes may have been met with harsh criticism or punishment, pushing them to become habitual people-pleasers.

This lack of safety and support ingrains the belief that only perfection can earn love, driving them to strive excessively and, consequently, to experience greater anxiety.

 

How to Alleviate Anticipatory Anxiety

1. Challenge Catastrophic Thoughts

When you feel overwhelmed, counter those thoughts with rational responses:

• “Everything is going to fall apart.”
• “The worst-case scenario is unlikely to happen.”
• “Even if it does, I can handle it.”
• “If things get out of control, all my efforts will be wasted.”
• “Even if I lose control, I can still protect what matters most.”

Practice talking to yourself this way whenever you feel a loss of control.

Then, allow yourself to embrace the possibility of imperfection.

Conduct small "experiments" in controlled settings:

• What happens if I let go a little?
• What if I don’t force myself to act or allow something to go wrong?

Over time, you’ll notice that life doesn’t spiral into chaos. Instead, it naturally reorganizes itself into a new order.

 

2. Focus on What You Can Control

In Psychology Today, Professor Whitbourne advises:

“Reflecting on what you can control, what you can’t, and why the uncontrollable isn’t as frightening as it seems can help you live more fully.”

To implement this:

• Identify your fears: What exactly am I afraid of?
• Assess the reality: Is it truly that terrifying?
• Question necessity: Does this fear justify overworking myself or exhausting my energy?

Often, you’ll realize it’s not as dire as you initially thought.

Next, separate what you can and cannot control:

• For instance, you may not control who your boss assigns to a role.
• But you can control how you approach the role, whether you take it on, or if you pursue other opportunities.

Let go of what you can’t control and channel your energy into actionable, controllable aspects.

This shift in focus will provide a sense of security and empowerment.

 

3. Build Inner Certainty

We often over-prioritize external stability, neglecting the importance of inner certainty.

Without it, stepping out of a stable environment can quickly lead to a loss of confidence and heightened anxiety.

Inner certainty is the belief that, no matter how the external world changes, you can adapt.

Ask yourself:

• What career path genuinely excites me?
• What life do I envision for myself?
• What are my unique strengths?

Many people gain inner confidence by pursuing a side passion or secondary career, reducing their dependence on external factors like a company, partner, or environment.

This self-sufficiency fosters a steady sense of trust in oneself.

 

The 80/20 Rule for Anxiety

A practical approach: Don’t worry about things more than 2 hours or 8 kilometers away.

Take inspiration from The Old Man and the Sea:

The protagonist, Santiago, had no way of knowing what challenges awaited him before he embarked on his fishing journey. Yet, he faced them with courage and determination, without overthinking.

Likewise, focus on what you can do now instead of what might go wrong.

Put your energy into the process rather than the outcome—once you take that first step, the answers will begin to unfold.